My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
