I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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