Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
