Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
