it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You made out with two different species that night
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
