You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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