I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
