literally had 100 drinks last night.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
