...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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