I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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