saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
