If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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