i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
