I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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