Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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