ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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