his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
