He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
