What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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