I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
