Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
