just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
