A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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