Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
