i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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