i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
