How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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