I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
