I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
