a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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