I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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