i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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