i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
