Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
