I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
