There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
