i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
