I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
