Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
