my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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