I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
