Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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