I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
