The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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