ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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