i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
