Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
