your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
