Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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