When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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