I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
