the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
